Been awhile, old friend.

So, it has been while since my last post. But I've been either busy, or just not awake enough to write anything out!

But here I am. Now.

Update: So, I did buy the volvo, as you all know, but I've still not had the funds to fix it up, ship shape, enough to drive it around. So, until then, I'm driving the gas guzzling truck. Phew, that's a lot of money going into those miles that I drive to and from work.

But it's okay. At least I've got something to drive!

Anyway, I really can't type much right now, almost time to go back to work from lunch.

I have no motivation...whatsoever...

Writing has always been something that I've been passionate about. Always. But, as of lately, I have found myself avoiding it. And avoiding this blog! You know why? Because I'm always tired. Always worn out. Never have enough time.

And to top things off, I don't have my own computer! And so I have to "Blog" when I'm on a break, or at lunch, at work! But...to let you know, blogging at work isn't a very 'fun' thing.

So, I'm at work. And bid you goodbye. Maybe the next time I post it will be long, thought out, and coming from the source of a home computer! (When I buy one of course.)

The Volvo has entered the building...

Yay! So, after much saving, anticipating, and suffering, I gathered together enough money to pay for the Volvo in full! And I must say, that is the best thing about this car. I won't have any car payments! It's MINE! I own it! And I don't 'owe' anybody!

I have never been so excited! I'm a car owner! I am the proud owner of a Volvo!

And, as you know, those cars just keep going, and going....and going....and going...

Almost like the energizer bunny!

Anyway, I am sorry I haven't been blogging as much as I should, but I've been tired, and I've yet to get my own computer...

Which is the next thing on my list!

A laptop! And! I get a discount from Dell because of where I work!!

A Volvo!

This morning I got up extra early to go look a car. Not just any car though, a 1992 Volvo 940GL. Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

The car is not the newest, and is actually almost as old as I am...it's not the best, it's not the most amazing.

But it rocks for my budget!

And you wanna know the most amazing thing about the volvo? It will be all mine in a week.

Mine!

My very first car!

INDEPENDENCE WILL BE MINE!

I've got a follower!!

The follower is anonymous, but I think I have a pretty good idea of who that particular person is.

Thank you for following! And reading my rants and raves about nothing in particular. I appreciate your patronage!

More later, gotta go from break!

My shirt shrunk.

I'm a little upset. When I got dressed this morning, everything appeared to be normal. My pants fit fine, snugly staying up at the waist. But when I got to work, I realized how much things were different.

My shirt is a lot shorter! I've been having to watch myself all day, making sure that no one gets a peek at something they shouldn't get a peek at!

It can be exhausting and frustrating, trying to make sure that I don't feel a draft behind me, but...it needs to be done.

And I can guarantee I'm never going to wear this shirt with these pants again!

My feet hurt!

When today started, and the sun peeked over the horizon, and I emerged from beneath my covers, I thought to myself...Today's a 'Heel' type of day...If you have no idea what I was thinking about, I woke up immediatly with a pair of black pumps on the mind, and which outfit to go along with it.

Now, for you to fully understand the complexity, and agony of the situation, let me start off by telling you that I had yet to wear this black leather, crocodile skin texture, pair of black stilettos.

Adorable, eh? No.

Feirce is more like it!

They have been sitting in my closet, yet to have been worn, or even touch their poor little soles to pavement or dirt. So, when I woke up this morning, and just kinda stared at my feet for a few moments, I realized today was the day.

I was finally going to wear those heels.

And that was a painfully bad mistake to make.

Literally.

My toes are squished together, starting to look like one big mount of nail and flesh (gross, I know) and when I take the shoes off, the entire toe portion of my foot is red.

And it hurts!

In an attempt to be intelligent here, I'm going to list out a few words that could describe the feeling, a little more than 'hurting'.

It's agonizing. Severe. Raw. Excruciating pain!

But, even I have to admit.

They look damn good! And at the end of the day, I'll look back and tell myself, it was all worth it! Because they are just feirce!

Netflix

I finally gave in and signed up for Netflix. I have cable, which was why I was apprehensive in the first place to even get a membership. But, with the tantalizing offer of a 'free' trial, I put in my address...my debit card information...and other preliminary information...

Now, I'm officially a Netflix member. And I must tell you, I'm excited about it too! You can watch movies online for free, as well as getting actual dvd's in the mail.

The reason I'm so happy about it now, is because rather than renting movies I tend to buy movies...which, now when I'm trying to budget, is a terrible habit. Not to mention actually renting movies is terribly expensive.

With Netflix, I can get 2 movies at a time for 13.xx a month. That's about how much it is to rent from a movie store, am I right? About? The benefit of netflix is that I can send them back and get more, unlimited...without the price going up!

And, when I'm at work and on lunch, I can go into the little 'internet' cafe and watch a movie!

Yay!

Sometimes, with the job that I do hold, I need to have a break...to get away. And movies can get my mind off all the angry customers.

And that's something to be excited about!

World's Strictest Parents.

You have no idea how entertaining that show is! It comes on CMT, and MTV.

As you can tell from the title, if you haven't already seen the show, it's about the world's most strict parents.

Two unruly teenagers are shipped off to these 'strict' partents houses for a week, to be reformed, buffed and polished.

While I watch the show, I can't help but scoff here, roll my eyes there, and make snide remarks there and here. My parents would not have even let me 'THINK' about engaging in that kind of behavior.

Yes I admit it. Like many other teenagers 17 and younger, I did have a tongue and used it....often. But I always felt miserable afterwords, and apologized.

Oh, but not the kids on this show! They're, to sum it up in a work, TERRIBLE!

I am astounded by the way that they act, and speak to their parents.

And most of my remarks usually begin with "Ooh, my kinds are not going to (insert crude/rude/obnoxious behavior here)!"

And they won't. At least I hope they won't.

No, they definitely won't.

Not Per Usual

So this morning, I woke up at my usual time. Got ready at my usual pace. And expected to leave my house at a usual time.

But, to my advantage, my dad was sick.

Now before you get all judgemental, and start thinking terrible thoughts about my character, just wait a moment.

My usual time to get up in the morning is 5:30.

The time I go to work? 11:15.

Do you know why there is such a dramatic difference?

Because my dad works before me! And because his day starts at 8:00, and mine at 11:15, I have to leave the house at his hour. 7:20.

And do you know where I go for that time period? 7:40-10:45? Cindy's house. Cindy is a woman I work with, who is undeniably sweet, by the way.

I go there in the morning, and car pool to work.

So I'm up at 5:30. Working at 11:15. And don't get off until 8:15.

Now, rather than drawing mean faced characters on peices of paper, imitating me, think about how long my days actually are!

Getting back to the point, my dad was sick. So...

Drumroll please!

I got to sleep IN!

Till 8:00!

And do whatever the heck I wanted around the house!

I feel so rested today!

So...utterly...AMAZING!

And it's all because my dad came down with the cold.

I love ya dad, and I'm sorry you're sick. I hate seeing you sick.

But it is nice not having to leave the house so early, isn't it?

(This won't permanently be the case...only for the next few weeks until I get my car!!)

The urge.

Before you start to think lower of me, or let your mind wander to different territories that aren't suitable for children, let me explain my title.

The Urge.

You may link it the phrase to the urge to jump up and frantically run to the restroom.

But my urge is something entirely different.

I have the urge to be someone. Someone important. Someone successful. Someone....better than who I am now.

And, unfortunately enough for myself and all the other young adults making the trek into 'The Real World', the reality of the 'Real' world comes as a blow to our egos. In highschool, we used to take tests and surveys to see which facet of life we would best fit. Where we could be successful, and where we could make tons of money doing the things we love.

"Go to college!" They said. And we, like the doe eyed ignorant fools we were, responded "Alright! I will!" Without even thinking of the reprocussions of student loans, and the saying 'Living paycheck to paycheck' didn't even come to mind.

"Choose a career that you'll want to do every day of your life!" They encouraged. And because we were excited we looked into doing something we loved, we looked into it. I remember being completely overwhelmed with the concept. Something I'm going to want to do the rest of my life. 52 weeks a year. 365 days a year. "I choose writing! I choose English!" I finally came to the conclusion.

Then good ole buddy 'reality' came in to play a few notes and punch me in the gut in the form of my peers; teachers, family and friends alike. "What kind of living can you make if you are mediocre? Get into the health industry! They make lots of money!"

What I wanted to do was to get an English major. I wanted to write, to teach, and to create. I wanted to spin worlds of my own on with tales of dragons, or just regular stories of love and new beginnings. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted to choose a career that I loved.

And look where I am now. 6 months out of graduation, and here I am, simply existing. Going through the motions of everyday life as an ordinary office drone. Doing something that I don't necessarily love with people I don't necessarily like.

The dreams I had for writing and English have all but faded into the background. Where my bills, 40 hour weeks and expenses have taken center stage.

I'll get back to it some day. And someday soon, I'll start college with the same ferventness that I had before I graduated. Some day, maybe not so soon, I won't worry about my finances. And when it comes to choosing that major, it will be decided by what I want to do, rather than what will make me the most money.

So, as my lunch comes to an end, I bid you a farewell, and trump out of the room back to my cubicle. And fall back into the routine of the office drone that I've become.

Thanks for reading.

An update.

I've finally come to a decision on my 'vacation' dilemma. I'm canceling it.

Yup.

Rather save the days for a more important vacation, possibly when I could afford to go both to WA and NC, in the same week.

Missed Connections.

I was reading through the local "missed connections" on craigslist. And I, unfortunately, began to ache. I have had so many missed connections, mostly with potential romantic relationships.

I know what you're thinking. "She's only a kid! 18 years old!" I may be young, but on the inside I feel like I have matured and just...feel...old. Worn out.

And above everything else, I feel lonely.

Lonely for friends.

Lonely for relationships.

Just lonely.

Excitement!

This morning, when I eagerly typed out my blog...I guess I was too eager. Because had I waited until I finished my taxes, I would have had even more to be excited about.

I'm getting back more than I had even begun to expect! YES! It will definitely be the push off the edge of getting me a car!

Grant it, I did only happen to work 3 months out of this year, and originally without some government credit for working, I would have only gotten about two hundred dollars.

Nothing to be real happy about, but it would definitely strengthen my savings account....

But now.

Yes, its different.

After I used TurboTax, it really did get me the biggest check possible! Thank you for staying true to your word dear TV advertisers!

Now, my tax return is coming back as almost 600 dollars! That's twice as much taxes that were actually taken out!

I am single, and have no children, so unfortunately for me I don't get to claim any dependents. (So not worth having kids though...)

But 600 dollars!

For 3 months of working!

YES!

And now, as I type out this blog at a lightening pace, I can't help but smile, and eagerly await it to come in the mail.

(I'm old school....and don't know my routing number to get it directly deposited to my account. At least when it does finally get there, it will blow some of the dust off of my electronic money!)

Taxes in Texas.

I'm sitting here, trying to figure out the 1040 ez form, and I still find myself completely confused. My brow is furrowed, lip bit, and nerves uneasy. Why so uneasy on a tax return? Because I don't want to make a mistake.

I was opting just to do the free e-file through the IRS website, but found that is just too complicated for me. So, I've decided to file with turbotax! Things may have just gotten a whole lot more simple, but I'll let you know about that.

Then, I'll get to wait for 8 days, or longer for my tiny little return to be mailed to me. And when it does show up in my PO box, I'll open it spilling with excitement. For my little bitty check could be the one thing to help me get into that car that I've been needing for the past few months.

Let's hope.

I tried.

This morning when I woke up, the weather was bad outside. Real bad. The trees were whipping around, thunder rumbled across the plans, and lightening kept striking the earth.

And it's still going!

So, what I did, with some mischievous thoughts, I decided to try and call and get the day off. But, I was struck down with lightening with the response I got. "Well, there aren't any slots open, but you'll be okay. Thunder doesn't hurt you!"

I do realize that. But I'm, plainly put, a baby when it comes to storms. But now I feel like an idiot, because she almost talked down to me. Maybe she didn't realize it. Maybe she did. Maybe I'm just over thinking it!

All I know is that she, somehow and someway, can't place my name to my face. So I don't have to be embarrassed.

We'll see.

Paraniod.

In every city there is crime. But, when you hear about shootings or beatings happening randomly in your area, it makes me think. It makes you shiver. It makes you scared. And, more than anything, it makes you paranoid.

And right now, I'm feeling paranoid. My heart is beating in my throat, and as I don't want to go to sleep. I'm afraid that in the middle of the night I'll wake up with a looming shadow draping across my wall, and an unfamiliar face looking down on me with a clenched fist or a shiny knife.

But these are paranoid thoughts, and irrational visions. I am, yes, a christian. I should not have anything to be afraid of, but 'fear' itself. Prayer helps slow my quick beating heart, and scriptures help put my mind at ease.

But then, I see those stories on the news about what is going on in the city around, and I allow myself to think those same thoughts.

And so tonight, as I get myself ready for bed, my mind is racing with prayers. "Please Lord, calm my nerves....Just let me rest tonight without fear."

Alright. That's all I have to say.

MLK Day.

Back in highschool, the media class/team would make short videos to advertise or celebrate certain days of events.

For Martin Luther King Jr. Day, it was this comedic video with a student mistaking MLK day for Milk day, and catalogued his adventure to the grocery store to buy and celebrate lots of milk.

Those were the times. They were simple, and always had some sort of humor.

Well, I'll edit this later. Time to go to work! Just wanted to share my 'milk' story!

Money comes, and money goes.

Today was the day that makes everything all worth while. Pay day. But, like every other friday that I get to stop by Payroll and pick up my check, I get to pay some bills the very same day. Fun fun fun! Isn't it? Today, yes I am going to let you know, my dear readers that have yet to pop into existence, I got paid 690 dollars. Of that 690, I got to pay half of my rent for the month, my cell phone bill, and a payment on my hospital bill. And, after putting a few hundred into savings for my future car, do you know what I'm left with for the next two weeks? Oh, about 25 dollars.

Yeah. I know.

And, I don't even have a car yet. I need one, bad. But now, I couldn't afford a car payment with paying for gas every month.

And, while the rest of the air in my lungs escapes, I can't help but feel overwhelmed.

"Whatever you do, you don't want a car payment!" My dad's motto it. But, I really need a car. Even if I do have a car payment. It's getting to the point where I'm starting not to care. I just need a car.

Of course, I could also use a license, which I have yet to acquire. I can't seem to pass the driving test, and I've taken it twice!

But, It would be easier to have a car first.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to look at my finances and see what I could afford!

Wish me luck!

Always feeling down...

Ever since I started working, I just can't seem to get enough sleep. I'm always tired. No matter how long I sleep. I think that it's more feeling worn out, or spread too thin, than the amount of sleep I'm getting.

When I do actually manage to drag through doors at work, I'm barely beginning to blink the sleep away from my eyes. And, once I start working I don't even think about the time. Before I know it it's almost the end of my work day, and 8:15 is drawing near. So, what's the point? You may ask. And I'll tell you that once I start working I really don't think about the time, or how drained I may feel.

But when I'm trying to wake up, I have the absolute hardest time pulling myself away from the covers. The hardest time.

Regardless, it's getting late and I'm just about ready to go to sleep, and prepare myself for another day of work. Work, work, work.

It's all I ever do, but it's paying my bills.

Good night all!

Chuck!

The highlight of my Sunday, which is really pitiful, when I saw the newest episode of Chuck! I know what you're thinking. "She has absolutely no life..." And you would be almost completely right. But, I want you to know that Chuck is completely AWESOME! I love the show very much, and have been waiting in much anticipation for the season to start, but...this last monday I seemingly missed the newest episode! Seeing that it comes on before I can actually get home from work...

And I have one thing to say about the two our premiere of the newest season.

And that one thing is that I absolutely adore Zachary Levi. When his lips spread into a grin, he has got to be the most handsome man on the planet. And, in this new season, with the beard... there are just no words to express how cute I think he is.

As I sigh, and the commercials end to finish out the first hour of this premiere, I sign off with my heart fluttering.

Too bad I'm only a regular eighteen year old, and he is...not regular at all.

Snowflakes.

If you haven't already figured it out, I live in Texas. I haven't lived here very long, but you would think that with moving to Texas, you would see less cold and winter weather. But alas, when I woke up this morning, and the door opened to let my two little dogs out, snow coated the ground. Their little brown paws became white with the frozen water, and the snow that had yet to touch ground speckled their fur.

They are so cute.

And, with a flash of genius, I decided that I will try to call in this morning and request the day off. I do have a day that I must take before February, otherwise it will be deleted from my 'pool' of paid days off. It is still too early to call, but I'm hopeful.

However, if by some chance that there are no slots for me to take today off, I will have to embark out on these icy roads, and deal with the snow that still falls from the clouds.

With a heavy sigh, I stay awake. I'm going to call as soon as I can! In case other people have the same idea! No no no! No, I can't let other people steal my day!!

I live out in one of those towns that you might label 'podunky'. Yes, I did write it like that, and no you didn't read it wrong. Go ahead and say it just like it's spelled. Po. Dunk. Ee. Podunky. It's a very, very small town, and it is a ways off from my work, so it takes ten minutes to drive to work. And, in case you don't know, the weather always seems to be worse out here in the podunkies than it does in the big city where I work. So, I will have to persevere through the snow, risk sliding around and risk my safety JUST to make it to work...on time.

Because unlike other businesses, they expect us to be there regardless of the weather. They make up for themselves by sending us emails when there is 'inclement' weather predicted.

"Make arrangements to get to work!" They say. "The customers will still need our assistance." They tell us. "Stay with a friend the night before if needed."

Yes, I completely understand.

But!

Yes, there is a but.

But, do they realize how easy it is to slide on icy roads and get in a wreck, EVEN if you are somewhat close to work.

So, this morning, I'll try to call in. And get today off.

Hopefully.

I'll keep you posted, and maybe even post a picture of this beautiful weather!

So easy to forget.

When I first opened this humble blog, I had the mindset of an excited teenager. "It will be so much fun! I'll have so much interesting things to write about everyday!!" Oh how wrong I was. I don't have interesting things to write about everyday. Due to my current work situation, my social life is nearing the term 'extinct'. So, unfortunately, I don't always have funny 'you had to be there' stories to tell you about.

And I'm no philosopher, so the chances of me being all...deep, only happened once. And will only happen that once!!

Now, when something interesting finally does happen to me, I'll be sure to let you in on the little story, but lately it's just been work.

And work.

And even more work.

And maybe just a little more work.

And because of the jobs, I can't let you in on the interesting people I encounter every day at said 'work'.

So, as I sit here in the Internet Cafe at work, switching between the blog and my phone to text a friend, on my lunch hour, I finish out this blog with one final thought.

Lean Cuisines are 'delish'.

That is all. For now, my friends. Good bye.

P.S. Forgot! As far as my new years resolutions, I haven't decided yet. It's getting a little too late to call it a new years resolution. BUT...I'll come up with one soon enough.

Bringing in the New Year.

Like I had written in a previous post, I was set to work on New Years.

I did.

And it was....slow.

Terribly slow.

Horrendously slow.

But, I made it through. I just find myself questioning whether or not it was worth sitting at my desk for nearly 8 hours, spending less time actually working than doing a puzzle, or texting on my phone. You see, I work in a call center. When there are no calls coming in, there is virtually nothing for me to do that is work related.

As you can imagine things were moving at a snails pace today.

While, yes, I'm very thankful for the opportunity to get paid double and a half...but, am I really glad I did it?

Maybe.

I'll let you know what decision I've come to when pay day rolls around.

And that's how I brought in my New Year! Now, like usual, I'm emotionally drained from dealing with customers all day. (I'm in collections for a major cooperation! Definitely an emotional roller coaster every day.) And I'm planning on going to bed at a decent time tonight.

So, with the decent time creeping closely by, I'll bid you good night.

Happy 2010! Tomorrow, maybe, I'll think about what I want for my life in 2010, and what kind of resolutions I might make.

Maybe.