An update.

I've finally come to a decision on my 'vacation' dilemma. I'm canceling it.

Yup.

Rather save the days for a more important vacation, possibly when I could afford to go both to WA and NC, in the same week.

Missed Connections.

I was reading through the local "missed connections" on craigslist. And I, unfortunately, began to ache. I have had so many missed connections, mostly with potential romantic relationships.

I know what you're thinking. "She's only a kid! 18 years old!" I may be young, but on the inside I feel like I have matured and just...feel...old. Worn out.

And above everything else, I feel lonely.

Lonely for friends.

Lonely for relationships.

Just lonely.

Excitement!

This morning, when I eagerly typed out my blog...I guess I was too eager. Because had I waited until I finished my taxes, I would have had even more to be excited about.

I'm getting back more than I had even begun to expect! YES! It will definitely be the push off the edge of getting me a car!

Grant it, I did only happen to work 3 months out of this year, and originally without some government credit for working, I would have only gotten about two hundred dollars.

Nothing to be real happy about, but it would definitely strengthen my savings account....

But now.

Yes, its different.

After I used TurboTax, it really did get me the biggest check possible! Thank you for staying true to your word dear TV advertisers!

Now, my tax return is coming back as almost 600 dollars! That's twice as much taxes that were actually taken out!

I am single, and have no children, so unfortunately for me I don't get to claim any dependents. (So not worth having kids though...)

But 600 dollars!

For 3 months of working!

YES!

And now, as I type out this blog at a lightening pace, I can't help but smile, and eagerly await it to come in the mail.

(I'm old school....and don't know my routing number to get it directly deposited to my account. At least when it does finally get there, it will blow some of the dust off of my electronic money!)

Taxes in Texas.

I'm sitting here, trying to figure out the 1040 ez form, and I still find myself completely confused. My brow is furrowed, lip bit, and nerves uneasy. Why so uneasy on a tax return? Because I don't want to make a mistake.

I was opting just to do the free e-file through the IRS website, but found that is just too complicated for me. So, I've decided to file with turbotax! Things may have just gotten a whole lot more simple, but I'll let you know about that.

Then, I'll get to wait for 8 days, or longer for my tiny little return to be mailed to me. And when it does show up in my PO box, I'll open it spilling with excitement. For my little bitty check could be the one thing to help me get into that car that I've been needing for the past few months.

Let's hope.

I tried.

This morning when I woke up, the weather was bad outside. Real bad. The trees were whipping around, thunder rumbled across the plans, and lightening kept striking the earth.

And it's still going!

So, what I did, with some mischievous thoughts, I decided to try and call and get the day off. But, I was struck down with lightening with the response I got. "Well, there aren't any slots open, but you'll be okay. Thunder doesn't hurt you!"

I do realize that. But I'm, plainly put, a baby when it comes to storms. But now I feel like an idiot, because she almost talked down to me. Maybe she didn't realize it. Maybe she did. Maybe I'm just over thinking it!

All I know is that she, somehow and someway, can't place my name to my face. So I don't have to be embarrassed.

We'll see.

Paraniod.

In every city there is crime. But, when you hear about shootings or beatings happening randomly in your area, it makes me think. It makes you shiver. It makes you scared. And, more than anything, it makes you paranoid.

And right now, I'm feeling paranoid. My heart is beating in my throat, and as I don't want to go to sleep. I'm afraid that in the middle of the night I'll wake up with a looming shadow draping across my wall, and an unfamiliar face looking down on me with a clenched fist or a shiny knife.

But these are paranoid thoughts, and irrational visions. I am, yes, a christian. I should not have anything to be afraid of, but 'fear' itself. Prayer helps slow my quick beating heart, and scriptures help put my mind at ease.

But then, I see those stories on the news about what is going on in the city around, and I allow myself to think those same thoughts.

And so tonight, as I get myself ready for bed, my mind is racing with prayers. "Please Lord, calm my nerves....Just let me rest tonight without fear."

Alright. That's all I have to say.

MLK Day.

Back in highschool, the media class/team would make short videos to advertise or celebrate certain days of events.

For Martin Luther King Jr. Day, it was this comedic video with a student mistaking MLK day for Milk day, and catalogued his adventure to the grocery store to buy and celebrate lots of milk.

Those were the times. They were simple, and always had some sort of humor.

Well, I'll edit this later. Time to go to work! Just wanted to share my 'milk' story!

Money comes, and money goes.

Today was the day that makes everything all worth while. Pay day. But, like every other friday that I get to stop by Payroll and pick up my check, I get to pay some bills the very same day. Fun fun fun! Isn't it? Today, yes I am going to let you know, my dear readers that have yet to pop into existence, I got paid 690 dollars. Of that 690, I got to pay half of my rent for the month, my cell phone bill, and a payment on my hospital bill. And, after putting a few hundred into savings for my future car, do you know what I'm left with for the next two weeks? Oh, about 25 dollars.

Yeah. I know.

And, I don't even have a car yet. I need one, bad. But now, I couldn't afford a car payment with paying for gas every month.

And, while the rest of the air in my lungs escapes, I can't help but feel overwhelmed.

"Whatever you do, you don't want a car payment!" My dad's motto it. But, I really need a car. Even if I do have a car payment. It's getting to the point where I'm starting not to care. I just need a car.

Of course, I could also use a license, which I have yet to acquire. I can't seem to pass the driving test, and I've taken it twice!

But, It would be easier to have a car first.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to look at my finances and see what I could afford!

Wish me luck!

Always feeling down...

Ever since I started working, I just can't seem to get enough sleep. I'm always tired. No matter how long I sleep. I think that it's more feeling worn out, or spread too thin, than the amount of sleep I'm getting.

When I do actually manage to drag through doors at work, I'm barely beginning to blink the sleep away from my eyes. And, once I start working I don't even think about the time. Before I know it it's almost the end of my work day, and 8:15 is drawing near. So, what's the point? You may ask. And I'll tell you that once I start working I really don't think about the time, or how drained I may feel.

But when I'm trying to wake up, I have the absolute hardest time pulling myself away from the covers. The hardest time.

Regardless, it's getting late and I'm just about ready to go to sleep, and prepare myself for another day of work. Work, work, work.

It's all I ever do, but it's paying my bills.

Good night all!

Chuck!

The highlight of my Sunday, which is really pitiful, when I saw the newest episode of Chuck! I know what you're thinking. "She has absolutely no life..." And you would be almost completely right. But, I want you to know that Chuck is completely AWESOME! I love the show very much, and have been waiting in much anticipation for the season to start, but...this last monday I seemingly missed the newest episode! Seeing that it comes on before I can actually get home from work...

And I have one thing to say about the two our premiere of the newest season.

And that one thing is that I absolutely adore Zachary Levi. When his lips spread into a grin, he has got to be the most handsome man on the planet. And, in this new season, with the beard... there are just no words to express how cute I think he is.

As I sigh, and the commercials end to finish out the first hour of this premiere, I sign off with my heart fluttering.

Too bad I'm only a regular eighteen year old, and he is...not regular at all.

Snowflakes.

If you haven't already figured it out, I live in Texas. I haven't lived here very long, but you would think that with moving to Texas, you would see less cold and winter weather. But alas, when I woke up this morning, and the door opened to let my two little dogs out, snow coated the ground. Their little brown paws became white with the frozen water, and the snow that had yet to touch ground speckled their fur.

They are so cute.

And, with a flash of genius, I decided that I will try to call in this morning and request the day off. I do have a day that I must take before February, otherwise it will be deleted from my 'pool' of paid days off. It is still too early to call, but I'm hopeful.

However, if by some chance that there are no slots for me to take today off, I will have to embark out on these icy roads, and deal with the snow that still falls from the clouds.

With a heavy sigh, I stay awake. I'm going to call as soon as I can! In case other people have the same idea! No no no! No, I can't let other people steal my day!!

I live out in one of those towns that you might label 'podunky'. Yes, I did write it like that, and no you didn't read it wrong. Go ahead and say it just like it's spelled. Po. Dunk. Ee. Podunky. It's a very, very small town, and it is a ways off from my work, so it takes ten minutes to drive to work. And, in case you don't know, the weather always seems to be worse out here in the podunkies than it does in the big city where I work. So, I will have to persevere through the snow, risk sliding around and risk my safety JUST to make it to work...on time.

Because unlike other businesses, they expect us to be there regardless of the weather. They make up for themselves by sending us emails when there is 'inclement' weather predicted.

"Make arrangements to get to work!" They say. "The customers will still need our assistance." They tell us. "Stay with a friend the night before if needed."

Yes, I completely understand.

But!

Yes, there is a but.

But, do they realize how easy it is to slide on icy roads and get in a wreck, EVEN if you are somewhat close to work.

So, this morning, I'll try to call in. And get today off.

Hopefully.

I'll keep you posted, and maybe even post a picture of this beautiful weather!

So easy to forget.

When I first opened this humble blog, I had the mindset of an excited teenager. "It will be so much fun! I'll have so much interesting things to write about everyday!!" Oh how wrong I was. I don't have interesting things to write about everyday. Due to my current work situation, my social life is nearing the term 'extinct'. So, unfortunately, I don't always have funny 'you had to be there' stories to tell you about.

And I'm no philosopher, so the chances of me being all...deep, only happened once. And will only happen that once!!

Now, when something interesting finally does happen to me, I'll be sure to let you in on the little story, but lately it's just been work.

And work.

And even more work.

And maybe just a little more work.

And because of the jobs, I can't let you in on the interesting people I encounter every day at said 'work'.

So, as I sit here in the Internet Cafe at work, switching between the blog and my phone to text a friend, on my lunch hour, I finish out this blog with one final thought.

Lean Cuisines are 'delish'.

That is all. For now, my friends. Good bye.

P.S. Forgot! As far as my new years resolutions, I haven't decided yet. It's getting a little too late to call it a new years resolution. BUT...I'll come up with one soon enough.

Bringing in the New Year.

Like I had written in a previous post, I was set to work on New Years.

I did.

And it was....slow.

Terribly slow.

Horrendously slow.

But, I made it through. I just find myself questioning whether or not it was worth sitting at my desk for nearly 8 hours, spending less time actually working than doing a puzzle, or texting on my phone. You see, I work in a call center. When there are no calls coming in, there is virtually nothing for me to do that is work related.

As you can imagine things were moving at a snails pace today.

While, yes, I'm very thankful for the opportunity to get paid double and a half...but, am I really glad I did it?

Maybe.

I'll let you know what decision I've come to when pay day rolls around.

And that's how I brought in my New Year! Now, like usual, I'm emotionally drained from dealing with customers all day. (I'm in collections for a major cooperation! Definitely an emotional roller coaster every day.) And I'm planning on going to bed at a decent time tonight.

So, with the decent time creeping closely by, I'll bid you good night.

Happy 2010! Tomorrow, maybe, I'll think about what I want for my life in 2010, and what kind of resolutions I might make.

Maybe.